Safe Space

Dear life,

I am not doing much good lately.

These days when the night falls, the unwelcome tears stain my cheeks. It becomes difficult to embrace sleep but you come to console me. I want you here. I want to sleep in absence of thoughts, in absence of dreams. I don't want to go anywhere. I want to curl up in your arms and survive an endless, cold, dark, dreamless, peaceful night with you.

I feel empty these days, lost, but my chest feels heavy. I have been running for too long now. I have realized that this journey is never going to come to an end.

I have grown tired of running now. After running miles of this endless route, I have collected emotions, stories, smiles, tears, colors. They said to carry all the fear, pain, sorrows and darkness lying on my way for even such could help me at times. Clear lie. All the emotions I have collected, I don't feel their weight. That is why my chest feels so heavy.

I am sinking in the depths of my own tears. No, I don't want to lose myself. Calm me, please. Hold my hand and pull me out of this dark forest, out of this deep ocean that no one but only I can see, only their creator can see. Take the accusations of all the sins I have performed, take this blame from me.

No one has the patience to have a look at me, to clean the mess that I have created out of myself. But why would they? After all, it is my mistakes. I am responsible for my own mess. But you own a part too, a big part. So one day, putting a moment aside, come to my place. We will clean this mess together. You may choose whatever you want to keep. We will throw away everything else. But we will keep breaths and heartbeat so that you remain. I don't need anything else now. I cannot bear the weight of all this waste in my chest anymore. I want to feel light and full. So come soon.

Waiting for you,

Yours and only yours,

Me.